Movie Marketing 101

INT. 30TH FLOOR OF MADISON AVENUE AD AGENCY

AD. EXEC.

Ok, we’ve got two big fall flicks to promote, The Book of Life and Interstellar. We need to get the trailers cut pronto to get the commercials ready for playoff baseball. What are we thinking?

LACKEY 1

We open on Matthew McConaughey walking through a dusty cornfield. He stares up at the grey sky, sadness in his eyes. We then cut to his daughter’s bedroom, he’s kissing her good night before walking out of the house, maybe for the last time. Cut to a rocket launching into space, McConaughey inside the cockpit, clutching a picture of his daughter. Finally, we cut to McConaughey’s daughter, now a grown woman, walking through the same cornfield and staring up at the same grey sky.

AD. EXEC.

Great, and now I’ve fallen asleep. Wasn’t there a scene where Anne Hathaway was busting McConaughey’s chops for crashing the ship into a wave or something?

LACKEY 1

Yes, but-

AD. EXEC.

Perfect, give me ten seconds of that, some sort of Michael Caine voice-over, doesn’t even have to be from this movie,  dub it over some footage of McConaughey talking to Jodie Foster in Contact, and we’re good to go.

LACKEY 1

But, sir-

AD. EXEC.

I like what we’re doing here. We’re moving, we’re being productive. Next.

LACKEY 2

We zoom in on a school field trip, where a teacher is explaining to her students the origins of the Day of the Dead. We then flashback to –

AD. EXEC.

One word: churros.

LACKEY 2

I’m sorry?

AD. EXEC.

You heard me. I remember there was that one guy in the movie who is always going on about churros, right? Just show that line and then flash the word “churros” over and over again and we’re golden. Also, go get me a churro stuffed inside a cronut.

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