The Forbes 3 Under 3

Illustration by Joseph Thomson

At Forbes, we live for lists! Who could forget “The 400 Most Disgustingly Rich Americans,” “The 666 Top-Earning Dead Celebrities,” or “The Fictional 15,” where for some reason we calculated the net worth of the richest characters in fiction?

Our latest list, “The Forbes 3 Under 3,” continues this proud and strange tradition. When we’re asked, “Why so young?” all we can say is, “Why so rich?” Enjoy! And be on the lookout for our newest list, “The Forbes 10 Under 10 Pounds” next month!

Timmy Houghton, 2
Growing up in Silicon Valley, Timmy has a long (well, two years long) history of mastering the newest apps just minutes after they’ve been posted on the App Store. While most kids his age have maybe figured out how to swipe between different YouTube videos, Timmy just finished coding his third app using a color-and-shape platform designed by his dad, the CTO of one of the Valley’s most darling startups. And he hasn’t even had his morning nap yet!

Timmy’s afternoons find him in the top VC offices on Sand Hill Road, where he rents himself as an “office baby” through his first hit app, Rent-a-Baby. Studies show that increased baby presence in the office increases deal flow exponentially, and Timmy was able to score himself a sweet Series A round, valuing Rent-a-Baby at a cool $500 million.

Marie Jacquel, 2 and three-fourths
Marie, a resident of the West Village, has wowed everyone by being accepted to over 17 preschools. Although her parents are Catholic, they still submitted applications to several non-Catholic Christian day schools as well as some Jewish ones just for good measure. She has a standing 11 AM reservation on Wednesdays at every Alice’s Tea Cup in the city, and has seven Instagram accounts, one for each season and then three more because why not?

Already a regular on the charity circuit, Marie was instrumental in getting herself and several of her classmates into the Met Costume Gala after-party at The Standard, where she wowed Anna Wintour with a gown she made herself using the all-new Little Tikes My First Sewing Machine. She also chaired The Seesaw Group’s winter fundraiser, scoring a big coup by getting Big Bird to give the keynote address.

Charlotte, Princess of Cambridge, 9 months
In less than a year, Charlotte has taken the world by storm, earning tens of millions of dollars in licensing fees, in addition to not spitting up on herself after most meals. She has appeared on the cover of over 54 magazines, and was awake in most of the pictures. While yet to give a formal interview, there was that one time when she was being carried from her car into a very large castle and kind of winked at a reporter. The British tabloids went insane for 48 hours straight.

Big brother George is less enthusiastic about his sister being named to this list instead of him, as he leaked the date and location of his first day of school just hours before Forbes contacted Charlotte with the exciting news. But Charlotte isn’t spiteful, which makes us love her even more. This coming year will be a busy one! Once she’s up to date on her shots, Charlotte will embark on a world tour, visiting such former family holdings as Canada, Australia, and Staten Island.


Originally published on Razed.

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